Monday, December 19, 2011

Some thoughts...

Here are some great pins from Pinterest and how I am feeling today...enjoy!

P.S.- School got out today for Christmas Break which means I am officially off work for two weeks...I am going to have a lot of time on my hands :)

Monday, December 12, 2011

Third times a charm???

We are getting ready to head in for our 3rd IUI (Intrauternine Insemination)... ya think it would have worked the first two times, but hey what can you do!? I have always heard the famous saying "third times a charm", so we will see if this statement is really true or not. Three is most definitely a lucky number for us, after all our anniversary is on March 3rd, John got home from his mission on July 3rd, We have almost been married three years, I won a wedding at La Caille by putting three entry forms in the see where I am going with this. Three is a good number for us and we are hoping that it will be the lucky number we need and deserve this time :)

The other day I had about had it with bad as that sounds. I was feeling pretty down in the dumps, which according to all my posts pretty much hasn't been out of the norm lately. So, I have decided it is most definitely time for a change. Each month I am not pregnant I am aloud one day to be sad about it...I am sure you can figure out what that one day of the month that would be, and then it's time to move on and figure out the next step. Pretty much this situation sucks and I can either curl up in a ball, cry, and not want to even get out of bed, or figure out what our next step will be and do something about it.

Wish us luck in our next adventure with infertility...oh what a lovely word...NOT!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Christmas Break is done for the semester and I am already feeling the itch that I need to do something. School keeps me so busy that when it is over I almost get bored...I didn't EVER think I would hear myself say that. I will also be done with work on the 19th for Christmas Break (or Winter Break if you are a Christmas hater) and won't be going back until January 3rd! What in the world am I going to do with all my free time you might ask?! Well, John and I have decided we are going to redo our bedroom. I have many idea floating through this head of mine, so here is what we are thinking....

I am loving grey and yellow...if you can't tell from my blog ha ha. So this is what we are going for. It won't be exactly like this, but similar. I am thinking instead of grey bedding I am going to go with something white and fluffy like this...

Who knows...I guess I'll have two long weeks to figure it out :) Until then...stay posted for pictures!!!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011


Someday I hope to look back on the trial I have been stuck in the past year and say, "Wow that was really hard, but I made it through". I found this amazing blog today that was recommended by John's cousin...and I hope one day I can be as strong as this girl. The blog is She nailed every single emotion I have felt and every thought that has gone through my mind...She doesn't even know me, but her blog did so much for me today. Even though everyone's experiences are different, it's nice to know that there are those people in this world that can understand the pain and suffering I have gone through and just how badly I want to be a mother. As hard as it is to admit I am still not healed from my miscarriage, but I am hoping one day when I get to hold that little baby in my arms, that a lot of the pain I have felt will be healed and taken away.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

He'll Carry You

Beautiful song...and just what I needed :)

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Step 1...again

Well, the Clomid and IUI didn't work this time...I had high expectations and for sure thought everything would work great. So I guess it is back to step one again for us. :( This is getting very exhausting and I am tired of all the emotions that follow. Life sometimes just doesn't make sense!

That's all I have for today...

Monday, September 26, 2011


So, I survived my first round of Clomid and it wasn't as bad as everyone made it I was happy about that. I had some minor side effects from it, actually really only one that I noticed and that was hot glad I have at least 30 years until I have to deal with those every day and every night :) After I was done with the Clomid, Dr. Spencer had me taking estrogen and pretty much that made me emotional about everything! And to our surprise...I didn't even finish it before ovulating and going in for an IUI (sorry for all the confusing terms, I am becoming an expert at all this stuff) Anywho...after trying Clomid, estrogen, and getting an IUI we are hoping to find out some GOOD NEWS in two weeks and if no good news comes, then I guess my next post might be a "venting" post :) So while I have to go through the 2WW (two week wait) I am going to first work on being....

**PATIENT (I don't think this word is even in my vocabulary)

Second, I am going to work on being....

**OPTIMISTIC (optimistic that this will work, and optimistic that if it doesn't, it's not the end of the world. )

My sweet husband is being so positive and it's rubbing off on me just a little bit :) we want this to work so bad, and hope maybe, just maybe this could be the month.

Prayers are welcome... :)

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

How different would life be..

...if it worked out how you had it planned?

I had imagined life right now and in a couple of months being a little different then it is.

I'm having a hard day today and it certainly doesn't help that I am taking clomid and all of the sudden my emotions are EVERYWHERE...

Here is to an easier day tomorrow!

Many prayers for us would be greatly appreciated :) We are always in need!

Friday, September 9, 2011

Proud to be an American...

SEPTEMBER 11th, is only two days away...

This will be the ten year anniversary since the horrific event...

Whenever I think life is hard...I try to imagine what these people and their families had to endure on this day... and than I am HUMBLED.

I hope that on September 11th we can all remember those who have fought for our FREEDOMS... they will never be forgotten for their COURAGE AND STRENGTH that day.


Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Labor Day Weekend 2011

We sure had a fun holiday weekend! It started out with going to dinner at Cafe Rio and Bowling with Jeremy and Chelsea...we love these guys and even though we only live 5 seconds away from each other, we hardly ever hang out...So we are trying to be better at that.

We had so much fun at Boondocks. We went bowling and then the "boys" played a bunch of games. We won tickets, but gave them away to a boy that looked like he would enjoy them a lot more than us.

After our fun night with Jeremy and Chelsea, We headed home to get some sleep because at 5:45am we would be waking up to head to SWISS DAYS!!! I know this is crazy to admit, but this would be my first year going to Swiss Days and lets just most certainly won't be the last. I have already began making plans for next year :)

We went to Swiss Days with the Huston clan and shopped our little hearts out...LITERALLY! I have never seen so many booths in my life. I was able to walk away with Jewelry and more jewelry, flower hair clips and pins, some VERY cute wrapping paper for Christmas and these two adorable shirts...

I have a crazy obsession with owls and birds lately...

They are for those babies I will have one day...hopefully soon. Yeah...I am one of those people that has literally a dresser full of random things like this. My mom has even bought stuff here and there that is on clearance or if it's really cute. So...lets hope I have a girl first because I have a lot of girl stuff :) and if not that will be fine too! I'll take what I can get ha ha

After shopping our little hearts out, we shopped even more at the outlets and then headed home. I was so tired by the end of the day that I called it an early night and went to sleep.

On Sunday we went to church and then went out to visit my mom and dad. The weather was perfect, so we spent most of the time outside. Plus that is where Charlie likes to be. John did some service by helping my dad dig two holes for the trees he had bought a couple days before. What a good husband he is :) I love my parents and I don't get to see them near as much as I would like. But soon we will get to spend a whole week together on vacation.

Monday consisted of sleeping, doing a little more shopping (including the purchase of a Fall wreath for the front door, which I will probably hang up this next week), and homework.

All-in-all it was a great back to work and school :)

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

A few thoughts...

So, I just had a couple of things on my mind and thought I would share...

First, I LOVE my job. Everyday I look forward to going to work and that's a really good thing. As funny as it may sound I feel excepted and extremely loved by all the children. It always makes my day when I have girls running up to me, giving me hugs, telling me nice things...I absolutely LOVE it!

Second, School is stressful. I didn't do so hot on my first test of the semester yesterday...but hey! what can you do?! Life goes on :)

Third, I am so proud of my husband. He is doing so well at his job and really enjoying the new position he is in. I am also so proud of his determination to get done with school. He is a hard worker and sometimes I don't know how he does everything he does, Pretty much he is amazing! He also just got called as Young Men's First counselor

Fourth, I am so grateful for doctors. We met with Dr. Spencer on Monday and John and I feel like we got a lot of answers to our many questions...

Fifth, even thought life seems unfair sometimes...there are others who have much worst trials in their life. Knowing this makes me appreciate all I have been given.

Sixth, I know I have said it a million times, but I am so excited for Fall Time. This weekend we are going to Swiss Days...I want to look for a beautiful Fall Wreath to go on my door.

Seventh, I wonder when I get pregnant again if I'll be as sick as the first time...everyone says every pregnancy is different, I still think I'll be extremely sick with all my pregnancies :)

Eighth, General Conference is in a month! I LOVE General Conference.

Ninth, our cruise vacation is so soon... I hope the hurricanes stay away. I am excited for a little break!!

Tenth, I have so much homework, but I just need a break for one night :)

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Back to the Doctors....

John always seems to give me a hard time about being so open with anything and everything about myself, but that's just me :) This is my blog and it's where I write about our life, our experiences, trials, and happy moments...I don't think a lot of people read my blog anyways. But what I came to write about today...after four LONG months of me being inpatient, shedding a lot of tears, and feeling completely down and out of it...I called Dr. Spencer (my OB) to get an appointment to figure things out with ya know...the getting pregnant thing. John and I get to meet with him in just a couple of days and man, am I excited!

These last couple of months have been the toughest part of my life that's for sure. Unfortunately I am not one of those people that can just get pregnant by thinking about it. It breaks my heart that I have to involve doctors in something that other couples get handed to them. I am hoping by visiting Dr. Spencer this next week, that we will get some options as to what is our next step. Every day I dream about being a mom and I try to have faith every day that we will get that chance soon. I get nervous about having another loss, but I can't really think about that right now. It's been really hard to stay positive and every time I find out someone new is pregnant, I wonder when it will be our turn.

I am grateful for being able to learn a lot of life lessons and a lot about myself through this process. It has made me a stronger person and appreciate a lot of things I have been given.

Wish us luck next week!!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Back to School 2011

So I kind of have two Back to School's his year...

First off, Fall Semester began today for John and I...I guess we better hold on tight and enjoy the ride. John being the amazing person he is, is taking 18 credit hours AGAIN! And myself...15 :) We are going to be busy busy busy, but we just want to get done with school.

Second, I love my new job! Like I said before, I am working at a Charter school now. The last two weeks I have been training, learning the ins and outs, and preparing myself for the first day of school. Last night I couldn't sleep...I was so nervous for the first day, it was like being a kid again. And well...the first day was AWESOME and I survived! I made a lot of fun, cute little friends who call me " Mrs. H" and I absolutely love it! Even though I won't be able to memorize all 375 of their names...they are so much fun and most definitely keep my entertained.

Looks like Back to School is starting off on a good foot.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Summer 2011 Wrap-up...

Well, it's about that time to wrap up the summer. We did a lot of fun things these past couple of months including a vacation to Las Vegas and St. George, summer concerts at Sandy Amphitheater, Mama Mia at Capitol Theater, birthdays, BBQ's, Fireworks, Camping, Cowabunga Bay, temple visits and much much more. We most certainly won't forget our not so fun event this summer (the pit bull attack) But all-in-all it was a great summer!

Here is a recap of the events I haven't blogged about yet...

Charlie did so good at his last vet appointment. He didn't even cry when they took his staples and stitches out.

Nashville Tribute Concert at Sandy Amphitheater....We got hit by a summer storm! Can you tell?! Even though the rain was coming down like we just walked into a shower, it was so much fun! FAVORITE MOMENT that's for sure. I loved looking over at John and laughing so hard because we were so wet.

Kobe playing in his all-star Baseball game...this was a HOT day and I sure was glad I wasn't one playing out on the field!!

Horton Family...Minus Mason. He also had a game this day for High school. WHAT?! My nephew just went into 9th grade! I can't believe it!!

Our Little all-Star

(More Pictures to come...I am still trying to upload them)

Sunday, August 7, 2011

New things...

So, I'm not really feeling like writing much lately...So this will be a quick one! My last day at RPM was Friday and I start my new fun job tomorrow! I will be working at a Charter school and I am so dang excited!!! There are a lot of perks to my new job...

I get to work with children (which is what I am majoring in and love to do)

The hours are awesome!!

Two weeks off for Christmas...and I don't work in the summers :)
(Perfect mom job, when kids decide to come along. )

Literally working in a school has always been like a dream job. It is just really difficult to get into one because people usually don't quit or a bazillion people apply because they are such fun jobs! So I am most definitely feeling very blessed to get my foot in the door.

I know I will enjoy it a lot! I am getting anxious and excited to start tomorrow. I hope the kids like me and that I won't be called Mrs. Meany...if this happens, I might come home crying ha ha. I always hate being the new person, but feel like I will fit in just great :)

I also got new hair for the's short (shorter then usual) and has a lot of brown in it. Did I mention and I have VERY thick bangs as well?! Yeah...It definitely different, but I figured since I was starting a new job, I needed new hair too!!

John also started his new position at work last week and is adjusting nicely...We have a lot of changes going on right now, but we are loving every minute of it because it's what keeps life interesting. John also finished up his summer semester yesterday and passed all of his 18 credits with flying colors (only he can handle doing 18 credits in the summer) I am so proud of him and I love him so much!!

Summer is dwindling will start again soon...and my favorite time of the year is just around the corner....FALL!!!

Happy Sunday

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Update on Charlie...

So, it's been one weeks since Charlie got attacked at the park and went in for surgery. This week was really tough...I'm not going to lie. After lots of tears and no sleep, Charlie is finally getting back to his normal self and we are most definitely happy about that!

Everyone always says that the third day after surgery is the worst and I would have to agree. I didn't go to work on Tuesday because Charlie wasn't doing good that day. He wouldn't eat, drink water, go to the fact having him get up at all was literally impossible. I took him in to his normal vet to get a check up. They said they wanted him up walking about every two hours, just to keep his muscles moving. I have felt so blessed to work five minutes from my house, so that I have been able to come home and check on him every couple of hours. He hasn't been allowed to walk up and down stairs, so there wasn't a way for him to get outside to go to the bathroom.

On Wednesday, we went back to the vet to get his drain removed from his incision. They said things were looking great and that he was on the road to recovery.

He has improved so much since Wednesday! We are so happy to see Charlie doing better! Believe it or not I have learned so much this week...the number one thing is PATIENCE and LOVE. I love my dog so much like a child and helping him heal and get better has been such a blessing. So...I'm not really sure what I am supposed to take from this trial, but I do know I am better prepared for when the day comes when I have children that are sick. John said to me the other night...You're going to be such a good Mommy....It made me feel really good!

Charlie had a lot of visitors through out the week. We wanted to let those people know how much we love them and appreciate them. This was not only a traumatic event for Charlie, but for John and I as well. It put a lot of stress on us wondering if he was going to make it or not, and having friends and family to talk to and visit with really helped. We can't thank you enough :)

Here are some pictures from the week...

We spent a lot of time cuddling and laying together

Charlie would hide under the table anytime I would try to get him to go to the bathroom...the little stinker thought I couldn't get to him or something :) If you look close you have see his little chicken leg ha ha (where they had to shave a little of his hair to give him an IV)

The poor guy had to wear the "cone of shame" most of the week.

One more week and Charlie will get his staples and stitches out! and hopefully we won't have to visit the vet until next year :)

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Change of Plans

John and I had a lot of fun things planned for Pioneer Day Weekend...but those plans quickly changed and like life itself unexpected things were thrown our way.

Saturday was like any other Saturday. We cleaned, did some shopping, and decided to take Charlie on a walk to our favorite park...the one you hear me talk about often in this blog. We showed up the park...there were a lot of people there today. As we ended our walk around the last part of the track a Pitbull ran out of the corner of my eye and graded Charlie. It was not on a leash and literally attacked Charlie! Much of what happened after that is a blur. All I know was my dog was being thrown around like a chew toy. I have never seen something more horrific in my entire life! John got the dog away from Charlie and it's owners came down and grabbed it. All I really cared about what calming my dog down...Charlie was still in defense mode...shaking, biting, completely scared to death. He was bleeding! I could see wounds on his body. I tried to keep him calm, but my nerves were going crazy!

I kept thinking to myself I can't lose this dog...he is like my child. I have no idea what I would do without him...especially after such a horrific event we had to see.

There was a large family having a bbq at the park that day. They immediately ran over with water and pads to help with the bleeding. they helped John and I call the cops and to find the nearest Animal ER. All I wanted to do was get him help and get it quick. In Davis County there is only one Animal ER that is open after hours and it's about 15 minutes from where we were.

I can't thank those people enough for there help yesterday. Without them we could have not taken care of everything with the police before we had to leave and also with animal control. They even tried to help us find out where the owner's of the Pitbull lived. These people fled before the police showed up...and provided us with a false cell number...but I am trying to not to focus on that right now. People are going to act and be however they want to. I need to except the fact that there isn't much we can do about it.

When charlie arrived at the ER they immediately took him in to check him out. His severity was so bad because he had wounds to his abdomen that he went to the front of the line. THANK GOODNESS because I was about to lose it. My biggest worry was my dog was bleeding internally. The vet explained to us that Charlie would need exploratory surgery to find out is he was bleeding internally. He also needed to check for damage to his major his intestines since that is where he got bit.

So, into surgery Charlie went...hardest thing I have ever had to do! My poor dog was squealing. The sound of his cry about ripped my heart out.

We are glad that they performed the surgery so quickly. Charlie has four internal wounds that the vet stitched up. He also has one on his stomach. He is bruised and also has many pulled muscles. Because he had to be cut open he has one large incision on his tummy as well. (about four inches long) We are so lucky that this bite wasn't worse. It could have easily damaged his organs. He is only seven pounds and had an 80 pound dog come after him.

Charlie got to come home at 11:00pm last night. It was a rough night! John and I played musical beds and took turns getting sleep. Charlie was so uncomfortable and in a lot of pain.

Today is progressively getting better...he has been eating little pieces of chicken we cut up in cubes, and has been great at drinking water. He can't really get up by himself...he needs a little push now and then. His meds make him a little weird, but we are watching him closely and hoping for the best. It's going to be a long two weeks, but I have hopes that every day will get better and better.

I love Charlie so much. Some don't understand the love of a dog, but he is my best friend. He has taught me a lot and every day I am so happy when I get to come home and see him. This dog has touched mine and John's life so much and we can't wait for him to be back to him normal will take time, but it will be so worth it.

We love you Charlie. You're a strong little guy and we know you can make it through this :)

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Make a WISH

This Saturday I will be attending an orientation for the Make a WISH Foundation. I want to be a WISH Granter!

{Definition of a WISH Granter}

As a member of a WISH team, I will meet with the family, determine the wish and act as a liaison between the Foundation staff and the WISH family during the wish process.

About six months ago John got involved with Make a WISH. He did his very first WISH granting for a wonderful little boy named Dylan.

Dylan had a brain tumor.

Now it’s no surprise what Dylan chose for his WISH. He loves Pirates of the Caribbean. Dylan’s WISH was to take his whole family to Disney World. I only got to meet Dylan once… while volunteering at his Star Raising Event before they left, but Immediately I fell in love with him and his family. They are so loving and so caring.

After a fighting battle, Dylan is free...he passed away on Tuesday, July 12th at 1:20am.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to his family in this hard time. We hope that they will be able to be comforted and at peace at this time. Families are forever.

I am excited to volunteer with my husband. I am excited to have the opportunity to be a WISH granter.

What a great opportunity it will be :)

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Summer BBQ

On Friday, James and Melinda Ruesch invited all of us couple (Tyson and Trina, Chelsea and James, Chelsea and Jeremy, Mary and Scott, Jenny and Stephen, John and I) over to their place for a BBQ. They decided they wanted to have us all get together before Trina and Melinda have their babies :) They are only three weeks apart and after many many trials with getting pregnant, Melinda will be having a little baby girl named Brooklyn and Trina is having a little baby boy named Connor. I am very excited for the two of them and can’t wait to we all hang out again, so I can meet these two little babies.

We had so much fun hanging out with everyone. The boys enjoyed playing games in the front yard, while the girls enjoyed looking at all the fun baby stuff for Brooklyn and talking (it’s what we do best).

Here are some pictures…compliments of Melinda :)

I hate this picture of me...So don't mind that I look extremely tired and out of it. I have been lately, and I don't really know why!...and no I'm not pregnant haha

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Fourth of July Weekend

We had a fun Fourth of July weekend...

It consisted of a lot of family time and of course, FIREWORKS!!!

On Saturday we met met my parents and Beau at Chili's for dinner before heading over to Riverton Days. My cousin Amber has made Riverton Day's a tradition for her family. John and I went last year with her family and decided we would definitely join in on the festivities this year.

We of course got our bay fix in with the two twins! They are getting so big!! And did I mention how good they were the entire time!? I hope my babies are as good as they are.

While my parents, Beau and myself took Savanna on all the rides, John stayed back and watched the twins with Amber, and man did he have fun feeding them and playing with them. ( you can really tell how badly he wants children)

I am so glad we went to Riverton Days earlier than we did last year. We were able to ride all the rides and it was so much fun! Savanna is only five years old and she loved all the big rides. She most definitely is a little dare devil. She kept telling me not to be was so cute :) We also got her face painted and enjoyed some cotton candy while we waited for fireworks.

I love Riverton Days... possibly because the fireworks are amazing or maybe it's because I absolutely love spending time with my family :) They are so much fun and it definitely made for a good night.

On Monday, Brandon and Jessica invited us Huston's over for a BBQ at their house. We had lots of yummy food (as usual). Carol and Brian also made us delicious Peach Ice cream. We just hung out and chatted. It was great! We also played Hand and Foot...poor Jessica was on my team and we lost ( I always lose).

After being completely dominated in Hand and Food, John and I went and picked up Charlie for fireworks. I always feel bad leaving him home when fireworks are going off, so I wanted him to be part of the festivities. The fireworks were great! Especially the really big ones they made legal this year in Utah. About two blocks away from us there was a family putting in their own personal firework we decided to enjoy it as well.

All-in-all is what a great Fourth of July weekend. Going to work the next day was not easy...I wanted to fall asleep at my desk! We are looking forward to Pioneer Day and the Days of 47 Parade in just a couple of weeks. Hope you all had a safe and happy Fourth of July as well.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Trust, Patience, and Endurance

So, this past month has been a bit of a struggle for me. As we continue to try to have kids, every month it doesn't happen seems to get harder and harder. I have felt extremely discouraged, wondering if it will ever happen again. I have come to realize I am being tested...every ounce of my patience is being tested. Some days I want to throw my arms in the air and completely give up. I have questioned so many times why we had to have a miscarriage...why we are having to deal with this trial.

I have been looking around for some words of encouragement...just someone or something that might understand or explain how I am I found this talk on

It's kind of long, but a great read for any of those who might be struggling with patience at this time... FINALLY! Something that can explain how I am feeling :)

Trust, Patience, and Endurance: My Lessons from Infertility

By Sarah Jenkins

I can’t imagine any little girl dreaming of her future wedding and family and at the same time including the shadow of infertility. I certainly didn’t. I planned on getting married and having children. Even through the beginning of my marriage I continued under the impression that we would be able to do so. My husband, Zach, and I had both received blessings that highlighted the role of children in our future and felt the Holy Ghost testify to us that we would be parents.

We were awed by the responsibility of parenthood, but we were dedicated to doing our very best. We hoped and prayed and planned and prepared, but month after month went by without any success. After a year of doctor visits, tests, probes, and procedures, we still weren’t able to conceive a child.

While my husband was a steadfast support to me, I began to waiver in my faith. I remember one particularly dark period when I let Satan take such control of my heart that I confessed to my husband that I didn’t even know why I was praying anymore—“it isn’t like God is answering me,” I said. “It’s not like I’m feeling anything. It’s not like He was even listening to or loving me.”

Questions flooded my heart and occupied my mind. Why was life so unfair? Why were people who weren’t committed to marriage and family allowed to be parents? When was it going to be our turn? Was there something wrong with me? How could God command us to multiply and replenish the earth while simultaneously denying us the ability to do so? Were we being punished? What were we doing wrong?

Sometimes, in light of these questions that plagued me, I would explain to Heavenly Father my desire to be a mother and my understanding of the sacredness of that great and wonderful responsibility. Promising Heavenly Father I would be a better person if I could conceive a baby, I would make lists of goals and work to achieve them. However, despite my good intentions, it didn’t work. While my testimony seemed to recover and my faith seemed to return, it was without foundation. At the end of a month of such progress, my heart would break all over again when I still wasn’t pregnant. I didn’t understand then these powerful principles that I have since learned.

Absolute Faith and Trust in God

In my experience it was easy to trust Heavenly Father and believe in Him when everything was going well—when things go the way I wanted them to go within a timeframe that I established. One day as I was reading my scriptures, I read, “Dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith”. It helped me see that absolute trust and faith is what really matters, especially when things don’t go the way we want them to, when we want them to. From this verse I learned the simple truth that I ought not to doubt simply because the blessing (or answer or witness) hasn’t come yet. If the blessing hasn’t come, it doesn’t mean it won’t come. It just means the trial’s not over yet. Hang on. Hold tight. It means learning whatever we need to and then to “stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed”. Absolute trust and faith means to trust and believe when it’s easy and when it’s nearly impossible, when we want to and when we don’t, when we feel able and when we feel utterly incapable.

Patience to Stay the Course

Through our struggle to conceive, I’ve come to realize that patience isn’t waiting two weeks or a month. It isn’t waiting six months or even two years. Patience means waiting until the end. Patience means humbly accepting the Lord’s timing—whatever it is. Throughout the past months and years, I have often created agreements in my mind with Heavenly Father. I’d explain to him what I’m going to do to prepare if He will bless us with pregnancy this month. What I’ve come to realize, however, is that Heavenly Father doesn’t work like that. I don’t set out the terms of the agreement. Heavenly Father has promised me children, but He has not promised me them tomorrow. Patience means staying the course until the promised blessings come.

Understanding Our Potential

I remember after our first failed medical procedure—a procedure that I had been sure would work—the thought came powerfully into my mind that “God . . . will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it”. Immediately, I found great comfort in Paul’s words as I knew I couldn’t bear anymore disappointments or heartbreaks. I concluded that must mean it was the end of this trial! However, I was wrong. Heavenly Father knew I could endure more.

I now know that He sees more clearly than I do what my limits are and what my potential to grow and learn is. He knows that it is only through trials that I will reach my full potential. I know that His plan is often a refiner’s fire. I am grateful that He alone knows how long I can stand the fire and endure my trials. Were it up to me, I’d be out of the fire before it’s even lit, and I wouldn’t learn a thing.

Struggling with issues of infertility is not a trial that I foresaw, nor is it a trial that I would wish upon anyone, but I know that as we trust and believe completely and absolutely, develop patience and come to understand our own divine potential, it is a trial like all others, one that can be endured and overcome.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Mama Mia...Here we go again!!

On the 19th, John nd I went and saw MAMA MIAwith my mom and dad. It was playing at Capitol Theater, so we decided before the show to grab some dinner at P.F. Changs. The dinner was delicious and the Broadway was amazing!

The MAMA MIA movie came out right after John and I got married. I remember my mom calling me after her and my dad went and saw it. She was crying because if you have seen the show, there is a song called “Slipping Through My Fingers”. It’s when the mom is brushing the daughter’s hair and getting her ready for her big day. So…while we were at the Broadway, we were teasing my mom about how she can’t cry when they sing that song. (She even got teary-eyed when we even mentioned it)

Well, the song came on, and the tears starting rolling down her face. She just couldn’t stop them from coming. I love my mom! Even though she doesn’t read this very often I just want her to know I love her so much!

I also owe a shout out to my dad as well. He was so willingly to go to MAMA MIA with us. (Even though I know he loved it too) I have the best dad a girl could ask for. He has always been there for me and I am so grateful for that. I hope we were able to make his Father’s Day extra Special :)