Thursday, April 28, 2011

Oh Happy Day!

This week went by really quick...and I am so grateful for that! Work was difficult on Tuesday, but with each day it got better and better and better :) Which leads me to today! We went and met with Dr. Spencer. He wanted to make sure everything was okay with John and I after my surgery last Friday and to also discuss our plans for the next few months.

Originally when I had asked Dr. Spencer when John and I could start trying to conceive again, he told me two months (Or two cycles). Today when we met with him he says physically and emotionally he feels like we could start to try after one month (or one cycle) This was the best news I had heard all week!!! That means we can try sooner and hopefully conceive sooner. Sorry for the openness! I am just so excited :)

Our appointment was very positive and I am optimistic about the news we were given. I am also very optimistic about our future and becoming parents. We will never give up and certainly never stop trying. Life is full of unexpected bumps in the road, but with the love and support we have, we can overcome anything...and I think John and I both know that now. This situation has helped us grow stronger as a couple and has strengthened our testimony about a lot of things. I now have a whole new sense on what it means to have faith. we were extremely blessed with a lot of faith this past week...and it was able to help my family and I get through these hard times. I have never felt so comforted and strengthened in my life! The gospel is a wonderful things and I have absolutely no idea what I would do without it.

There are lots of fun things going on this weekend...We have Amber Burton's baby shower for little Lillie Mae. I definitely had way too much fun shopping for her. I am excited to see friends and visit. Catching up is always fun. Saturday, we have some baseball games and a family BBQ.

School is almost done...

Spring is trying to get here...

Mother's Day is soon! (We get to talk to Josh)

John's and my birthday is coming up...


Fun family vacation in June...

Everyday is a blessing... with so much to look forward to :)

Monday, April 25, 2011

Easter Sunday & Temple Monday

I'm not going to lie...Easter caught up to use pretty quick this year. Since I was physically feeling okay after my surgery on Friday, we decided to make a trip up to Park City on Saturday and do some shopping. After our shopping spree we headed to John's uncles house for a little Easter get together. We had yummy food and an Easter egg hunt. Afterwards, John and I went and Saw "African Cats". We loved the documentary Disney did called "Oceans", so we thought what the heck...we'll go see it. Um...not exactly the best film to see when your emotions are running extremely high. In fact the entire way home I had to keep tears rolling from my face. :( May sound dumb, but it was pure torture. I am sure it is a good movie...just not for me right now.

I was having a pretty rough night on Saturday. My sleep schedule has been wack, so I usually stay up while John fights to keep his eyes open ha ha. I was nervous to go to church on Sunday mainly because I just wanted everyone to know what had happened, so I wouldn't have to explain. There were still little old ladies who thought that I was crying because I was so sick...I wish that was the case. Bless their hearts...I'm sure they found out when they went to Relief Society.

The talks during sacrament were most definitely meant for me. The lord works in mysterious way. We recently had a new couple move in across the street from us. They have a darling little boy and John and I have got to know them pretty well. They spoke in church about trials and hardships in our lives and how the Lord knows us each individually. He knows the pains we suffer and the hurt we feel. They also touched on the fact that they too had a miscarriage a couple of years ago and how it was so difficult, but they grew so much from the trials. It was like they were talking directly to me...without knowing anything....without knowing I was hurting so bad. I am so grateful for this Easter Sunday and the special meaning it had to me this year. I know the lord knows me and has suffered my pains, so I can experience Joy and happiness in my life and for all eternity.

The rest of our Sunday was pretty low key. We spent it with my family...eating, talking, and having fun.

Today I took work off...I will be back tomorrow :( Not sure I am ready for that. This morning i decided to drive down to the Salt Lake Temple and do an endowment session. Thank goodness they are open Mondays because it was exactly what I needed.

When I walked out of the temple, I saw these...

There were tulips everywhere! Such a beautiful sight to see :)

I am hoping for an okay week...I have a Doctor's Appointment on Thursday, which I am actually looking forward to.

Please continue to pray for us.

Friday, April 22, 2011

How many times can I say THANK YOU...

No words can explain how blessed John and I feel today. The support we have received from every one has been so overwhelming. Every five minutes today we received texts, phone calls, emails, flowers, meals, and many uplifting answers to our prayers. Every one's been praying for us and those prayers have been answered...there is no doubt in my mind.

I have no idea how I will ever repay the wonderful people our life. But I want you all to know how much we love you all and appreciate all you have done. Many people have asked, whats can I say? What can I do for you? My reply is there for us, that's all we need is know we support and people care. It's hard to focus on the negative of a situation when there has been an out poor of love from so many.

Today while we were at home flowers kept showing up. We have had food brought in from family and friends and I received a gift of a Willow Tree Statue that will continue to be a reminder to me that "Each Day, Hope Anew." It sits on my nightstand and when I look at it, it gives me the strength that I need right now.

I wanted to document about my surgery today...

Yesterday when Dr. Spencer told me the news, I was given two choices as to what my next steps could be. I won't go into too much detail because it's really hard to talk about, but I decided yesterday surgery was the best option, especially because I was farther along. My surgery was scheduled this morning, so I just had to make it through the night. Well this was not easy. My body had already began to reject this process. I was in a lot of pain (physically and emotionally) I prayed very hard that I could make it till morning.

My surgery went very well...not a long process at all (Physically). It's a miracle how well my body is recovering. Our prayers have been answered in sooo many ways. I can feel the lords comfort and support in my life...this gospel has saved me.

I knew today was the first day of a new process. When I got up from surgery I was having a tough time. I couldn't help, but to feel empty inside. I had lost something very dear to me, but not just me, John as well. I knew my baby was really gone and I was angry for a little bit...wondering why this had to happen this way.

I know our baby is waiting in heaven to join us again soon.

Tonight I was given to chance to hang out with friends...I was able to laugh (really hard), cry, and also to smile. It felt good...and I know I am on the road to recovery. There are going to be good days, and there most definitely will be bad, but with the family and friends we have we will make it through anything. Tomorrow is a new day...and I have an opportunity to live it and live it well.

Thank you for your love and support and most importantly...your prayers. You'll never know how much it has helped John and I.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Trials- The Unexpected

Today I experienced something that no one can prepare themselves for. If you read through my past posts since March 10th, that I had patiently been waiting to make public...Today I was and supposed to be 9 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

For the last couple of day, I had noticed that my pregnancy symptoms had been disappearing. I began to panic, but tried to remain calm and stay positive. Last night I decided that I really needed to pray to my Heavenly Father and talk with him one on one and let him know all my concerns. I needed answers. I felt scared, nervous, anxious, and just down right depressed. I have been great at observing my symptoms and have watched every little detail of this pregnancy because like most's a scary thing and having a Miscarriage is something I am terrified of. After pleading with my Heavenly Father and asking him to comfort me and to keep this baby safe and healthy, I went to bed.

Last night was rough. I got up a couple of times wishing I could feel any sort of symptom, but nothing was there, not one single thing. I had been used to waking up at least three times I night nauseous and sick. I began to break down in tears and I felt the overwhelming feeling that I was going to lose our baby.

I got up this morning, called Dr. Spencer and they got me in immediately. There it was on the screen, a beautiful little baby measuring only two days behind, but no heartbeat. My heart dropped as the thoughts began to run through my head. I felt alone, horrified, and completely empty inside thinking that this baby went back to heaven only two days ago. Dr. Spencer was so supportive and talked with me, explaining that this wasn't it and that in a couple of months we could try again.

Today has been one of the most difficult days in my life...probably the hardest. I feel so hurt right now, full of a lot of sadness and grief. At the same time I feel comforted that everything is going to be okay. I know my Heavenly Father loves me and that he desires for me to be happy. At times we are given trials in our lives and though they don't make much sense to us now, we will know one day why we had to endure such pain. I am struggling right now and I probably will be for the next little while...It's hard to think I have to start this process over. I felt like I was getting so far and then the unexpected happened. It was only two weeks ago that I saw a healthy little heart. In the lords time is what I keep telling myself...this is hard and if anyone knows how I feel it would be him.

So for now...I will continue to have faith. I will continue to smile and know that when it is time I will get the chance to be a mom for I know the Lord has a plan for me and will continue to bless my life. I am so grateful for the love and support John and I have received today. This is exactly why I told those people I was pregnant because I knew if something were to happen, they would be there for me.

I will try to be strong. I will try to positive. I will try to understand the lords plan for me. I am blessed...I know it, it's just one of those things I am supposed to go through...not sure why, but I have faith that things will work out for the best. So while I recover and get better I want that little spirit who has returned to heaven to know how much we love it and can't wait for the day when we get to be a mommy and a daddy... in the Lords time.

Tomorrow I have surgery...please keep me and John in your prayers.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

9 Weeks!!!

How far Along- 9 Weeks! Which means I am almost a fourth way there :)

Maternity Clothes- not yet...but te first thing I want to do when I get home from anywhere is throw on sweat[ants and sag them haha. I just get realy uncomfortable when things are tight on my stomach. I've always been like's just worse now :)

Weight Gain- I'm honestly trying not to look all the time. I don't think I have gained any "new" weight. I think I am about the same as I have been.

Stretch Marks- None. I can tell things are goring though already...I can feel it!

Sleep- Well...whether I sleep at night or during the day or right after work, I am catching up on my sleep. This past week I came home for lunch almost every single day to take a nap becaise it's the only way I will make it until five.

Best Moment this week- being able to stay up long enough to watch movies with John. Last Tusday we went a bought Tanlged. I absolutley loved the movie and can't wait to watch it with my children.

Worst Moment this week- having to work on a group project for my English class...I just wasn't in the mood and believe me...evern one could tell.

Movement- Not for a while :)

Food I am loving- This questions would have to be asked on a day-to-day basis. But I guess something I have been enjoying everyday is Captain Crunch Cereal. Also, I haven't been loving sweets, but I have been eating them this week...this is progress. I actually got up from a nap the other day and had to go buy an ice cream sandwich before going back to work.

Food I am hating- I so badly wish I could eat stuff with red Ravioli's from Olive Garden, but the thought literally makes me ill. I am hoping this will go away soon.

Symptoms- Surprisingly my MS have subsided a little bit this week, but on a bad note I have kinda heard it comes a goes a little around this time. I wish it would stay away, but if it comes back at least it will give me that reassurance again :) I am also still super tired and my moodiness it starting to come out...poor John.

Gender- I wish I knew now...We are wanting to go shopping so much! So until then, we will get the stuff that doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl :) We get to find out in six weeks!!!

What I am looking forward to- This week I am so excited for Easter! It's a great time to get together with family. I just hoping that I will be able to eat the traditional coconut cake my mom makes :)

Also we are thinking at the end of this week to announce to the Facebook and Blogging world that I am pregnant...we will see though :)

What I miss- The only thing I really miss is being able to pick what I want to eat when I want to eat it. Trying to decide what to eat on a day-to-day basis is a chore...and one both John and I don't enjoy.

Emotions- Well I have noticed a couple of moments this week that my emotions have been a little out of whack. I also start to get teary-eyed everytime John starts talking about his parents or my parents being so excited. is to another week. I thank my Heavenly Father every day that I am getting the opportunity to be a mom. I still worry a lot...that will never stop. We are getting so excited for what's to come. This is such an amazing time in our life and something I have looked forward to for a very long time. Every day is a blessing :)

Sunday, April 10, 2011

8 Weeks!

How far along - 8 weeks!

Maternity clothes – not yet, but I can't have anything tight on my stomach

Weight gain – Actually lost a few pounds from being sick :( But I'm sure in no time when my appetite is back, I will gain it, plus some.

Stretch marks –Nada!!

Sleep – Sleep is good some nights and bad others. I just try to go to bed early, that way if it's a tough night I am not lacking a ton of sleep...and if it's a good night then I get extra sleep!!!

Best moment this week – Got to see our babies little heartbeat again :) Such an amazing thing!!! Also, this weekend John and I went to Babies"R" Us and walked many things to buy, and we can't wait to go shopping!

Worst moment this week – Visiting the ER because of dehydration... and other things, but baby will just have to ask about that. Too embarrassing to share or ever write down. I'm sure I'll never forget, I wish I could ha ha

Movement – not yet...can't wait though!!

Food I'm loving – I'm not loving anything...I'm kinda like pickles though :) Raw veggies (Broccoli and Cauliflower) have been my friends this week.

Food I'm hating –It honestly depends on the hour and the time of day...I have noticed the foods I am changing can change really quick. The other night I made John stop at Kneaders on the way home to pick me up a Large Green Avocado Salad, by the time he got home I took two bites and had enough! I was so sick to my stomach :( Sorry John...I love you

Symptoms – TIRED! Holy cow...there are days I have no idea how I don't fall asleep on my desk and f course MS. I have learned how to tame it a little better this week, but there are days that I just want to cry because it creeps up on me.

Gender - There have been some arguing about names this week. We have lots of girl names, but not so many boys names. We can't seem to agree on a boys name. So if it ends up being a boy...I am sure the right one will come to us.

What I'm looking forward to – Spring cleaning our house! I want to start cleaning up the spare bedroom for the baby :) I think this is called nesting...and I have a severe case of it. Also, we found out today that John has two cousins expecting really close to us. Cami is due November 14th!! And Shana is due October 8th!!

What I miss – Of course I miss not feeling sick...when your pregnant you don't get to decide what to eat does :) Though I miss not feeling sick, I also enjoy those little things that remind and reassure me I am pregnant. It's a bitter- sweet thing.

Emotions – not too bad...with the crying part at least. I get more irritated easily. Especially when people tell me I need to toughen up. That bugs me A LOT! If you were never sick when you were pregnant...than you really don't have any room to talk :) Just saying...

Friday, April 1, 2011

7 Weeks!!

How far along - 7 weeks!

Maternity clothes – Some days I feel like I should be wearing them. The nice thing is that the weather is getting better, so I have been wearing a lot of skirts (I still feel really bloated)

Weight gain – Stayed the same this week from last week (116) Even though I have been very sick in the lingers until about 2:00pm

Stretch marks –Nope!

Sleep – Not the best…I get up at 1:00am, 3:00am, and 5:00am because I have to eat something. Most of the week it was crackers, until today I switched to bread. Crackers were not helping with the Morning Sickness.

Best moment this week – I had CafĂ© Rio and didn’t throw it up!

Worst moment this week – Well, let me just tell ya…On Thursday I got up and couldn’t keep anything down. Not water, not crackers. I definitely was experiencing some major MS (morning sickness) I tried my very hardest to get ready for work. Once I finally got to work, I couldn’t stop running to the bathroom…it was horrible! I asked my boss if I could just go home for a couple of hours, try to feel better and then come back. So I went home, called Dr. Spencer and got some nausea medicine, took a really nice nap and headed back to work :)

P.S.- The rest of the day, I felt fine. My Otterpops and Chicken noodle soup really helped.

Movement – Nothing yet…But I don’t have twitching going on…not sure what that’s from haha

Food I'm loving – Food…really?! Last week I could eat absolutely anything I wanted to. This week…not so much! I don’t like trying to figure breakfast, Lunch, or dinner out because absolutely nothing sounds good. Food is not very appetizing right now :(

Food I'm hating – Sweets...or I guess food in general. I eat it because I have to. I Got to keep myself and baby healthy.

Symptoms – MS (Usually lasting from about 1:00am- noonish), tired a lot (I go to bed at nine now, sometimes eight)

Gender - Not for about 9 more weeks :) I have decided I want to make a gender appt. at Fetal Fotos for my birthday to find out what we are having. Then we will take a trip up to Park City and do some shopping :)

What I'm looking forward to – Hearing our little baby’s heartbeat in less than a week!!!

What I miss – Not feeling sick every morning…and not waking up three times during the night (not to go to the bathroom, but to eat haha). What I would give for nine straight hours of sleep. I guess this is just preparing more the lack of sleep I will get in about seven months. And these symptoms mean one really good thing…I AM PREGNANT :)

Emotions – Only got emotional on Thursday when I couldn’t control my MS. I actually think I have been pretty pleasant to be around. I mean come on…I am pregnant and couldn’t be more happy.